News, News, News...

Split with Blackhouse - 

As is common this time of year (I have learned) there is a pressing delay with this split record. It was supposed to be released on April 19th, which I was assured by customer service of the company manufacturing it that it should be here by then. Nope. I'm still waiting for them to even ship the records out. It should be here sometime soon, but I'm not happy. I don't quite know how to handle this as of yet, but I will likely post the name of the company I used so other bands can avoid using them. 

I understand delays happen, but they have not been up front with where the records are at in the process and they have promised to call me back on multiple occasions without doing so. If there were delays and everything was communicated honestly, I would be more understanding of what's going on. Stand by for more information. 

Also, understand that I wouldn't normally broadcast this sort of business in this way, but considering how expensive it is to get vinyl made, and how much of a backlog there always is - it is a laborious process - I think this has been handled very poorly by the company I'm working with. Thanks. 

10" Limited Lathe Cut Maxi - 

The first single from the new album is called "Spiritual Violence" and will be released as a 10" lathe cut record with some other tracks. Here is the TENTATIVE tracklisting, it may end up with another track on it as well:

1. Acoustic Intro
2. Spiritual Violence
3. Mind Battles (Re-Recorded)
4. Bodies (Sex Pistols Cover)
5. Acoustic Outro

This will likely be limited to 25. 

Merchandise - 

T-shirts, sew-on patches (the old school canvas kind), new stickers, and new buttons are coming...soonish. I almost ordered all of this then my logos changed and were updated. I've chosen to do a somewhat large run of these rather than getting them printed on demand. This is because I want them to be the highest quality possible. 

The shirts and patches will actually be silkscreen printed. They will also be less expensive than if I went through a print on demand fulfillment. 

New Album - 

It's coming out fast, punky, and angry. Though it still touches on my industrial influences, it leans much more on the punk side of black metal and likely will be more straight forward than previous material. Hardly any synth on this. Though I had synth parts written, the more I record and listen to it, the more I think it will actually detract from it. I've moved away from longer compositions and decided to record many of my shorter pieces for this. This will be on LP and Tape. I'm not doing a CD version of it. 

To be clear, I really don't like CD's much, or CD-R's. It's just that they're convenient. I don't mind it as a listening medium, but I'm pretentious and like collectible things and big art. Something about a big fat slab of wax looks and feels better, I just wish it wasn't so expensive. 

And tapes are just cool. Fairly inexpensive, still retain the active listening experience. 

Three-way split with two Brazilian noisecore/grind bands...

I recorded a few grind tracks, and it is being released very soon as a three-way split limited to 20 copies in Brazil. I won't have any copies personally, but I will be posting it on my Bandcamp. There are a few tiny corrections that I will note after this, along with some more information. 

Don't ask me how I missed this, it is my fault my track listing is a little weird. Mine should be:

1. Repent, You'll Pay
2. Sentence to Sin
3. Useful Idiot
4. Saving Face
5. Jars of Clay and DC Talk
6. Wolves In The Sanctuary
7. Narrow Path

A few things about my part on the this release:

• Jars of Clay & DC Talk is a humorous track
• My tracks are largely criticisms of churches that strictly control the lives of Christians that attend. 
• I don't know how I missed "paypal" there, but it shouldn't be paypal, it should be pay. That's my fault, I don't know what caused me to miss that. 
• Narrow Path is actually the first track recorded for Rejoice In Our Suffering. I recorded it for a compilation and it didn't make it on there. It's a hardcore punk track with black metal highlights, I guess you could say. 
• The 6 tracks before Narrow Path are very different from the rest of my discography (even though there's a lot of variation.) They're more along the lines of grind/powerviolence in terms of genre. You could compare it to bands like Spazz and Charles Bronson, with weirder vocals. 
• I'm really surprised they put me first on this split, I always expect to be the last tracks on these. 

A few things about the rest of the release:

• I believe the translation for the title is something along the lines of, "Persecuted For Their Faith" 
• It is dedicated to Christians killed in the Middle East for their faith. 
• There is a bit of a language barrier between me and the other artists, but they are very sincere and have been extremely kind to me throughout the process. These are my brothers and sisters from South America, and I'm thankful that they invited me to be on this. 
• If anyone does have more accurate translations for the stuff on the promo image, let me know. I am absolutely happy to update this with more information as I receive it. 
• It's limited to 20 copies on Mini CD in an acrylic box. I specifically asked not to receive copies of it - but they were offered. Please purchase the physical edition from Scene Christian Noise Records, I want the label to be able to continue putting out releases like this. 
• This will be available on my Bandcamp page, I cleared this with the other artists. 

Tarkin Turfer - Old Finnbar Furrowbrow

 

It's too bad Ancient Meadows decided to close its doors, I like and own a lot of the stuff that label put out. One of those is Tarkin Turfer's Old Finnbar Furrowbrow album, which I own on cassette. You can listen to it here: https://tarkinturfer.bandcamp.com/album/old-finnbar-furrowbrow and buy it for 3 bucks. 

No one could accuse me of being too timely with my reviews, given that this was released in 2019. What the tape contains is a rather long album of endlessly fascinating music that must fit into that tiny subgenre of dungeon synth known as, "Gnomesynth." I assume this is the case since it's about a gnome, it has a gnome on the cover, it gives off a gnome-y vibe, etc. 

I love the effort and love of the craft that it seems most dungeon synth artists put into their releases. I imagine that no one would look for artwork (or even commission it) that perfectly matches their project, matches the release, etc. if they didn't absolutely love what they were doing. This seems to have really grabbed several artists and brought them together in this regard for one singular vision. 

But I'm talking too much about everything other than the music. My point is that the vibe is there before you ever start listening, then you put on the tape and you're "Whisked away," to a mystical, magical land...like Delaware. 

Some of the tracks are so lush and alive that you wish they were longer, and other tracks are a little tedious to get through. The thing is, the album is so well crafted overall that you will want to listen to it all the way through and trudge through the slow parts to get to the more exciting ones. Drenched in phaser as some of it is, the effect is more dreamy than jarring in most cases. Tasteful use of reverb helps keep things from sounding too Sega Genesis like, and the judicious use of discordance throughout keep it from sounding too derivative of other releases in the genre - not that it could, Tarkin Turfer seems to be a true original while also respecting the genre as a whole. 

Though a lot of dungeon synth and the related subgenres do end up sounding like Enya's cutting room floor, this album stands out with its sincere and interesting look at the genre. It manages to avoid pretention and give off the vibe of fun, but fun that someone spent a lot of time on. Like a very well crafted Dungeons & Dragons campaign. 

The parts that become tedious generally sound to me like the intent was to add some sort of influence that I can't quite identify, sounding instead like a toy instrument being plopped into the mix of a bunch of ambient instruments. They just occasionally sound out of place. It's a double edged sword, at the same time it's jarring and sounds a little cheesy at times, it also draws the attention back to the listening experience at the right times, keeping it active instead of allowing you to drift and use this as simply background music. I had to listen to this music and focus on it, not put it on and read a book. This was easy with this album, and that's definitely a compliment.  

I got to this one far too late, but it's in my life now, and I will likely be listening to it regularly for the next several months. The last thing this artist released under the name Tarkin Turfer appears to be in 2022. Given that we're almost halfway through 2025, I hope they haven't stopped creating for the project. 

Pray harder...

As I start recording things again, and again, and again, and again. I'm in an endless loop of recording and stopping, as getting the sound I want becomes harder. I've ended up with a lot of material in various states of completion. I'll eventually figure out what to do with all of this, finish a lot of it for other releases, etc. 

I have a particular set of songs that I must get finished for this next album, and they're so much angrier than I thought they would be. What I've been noticing is that they're just as personal as the self-titled album, which some will recall was about personal sin. This one seems to be about personal anger, and less frustration with myself and more with how I try to come to terms with the behavior of others, particularly within the church. 

It's confounding, and from this confusion, borne of behavior well outside of my expectations for Christians in our community. I'm sure they feel the same about some of my thoughts and opinions. I try not to see myself as separate or above or below the church community philosophically, but there are some situations where I just can't reconcile the outward behavior of others with the words they use to describe themselves as Christians. 

They want peace, but in the same breath will talk about what they'll do with their guns if some fantasy of theirs is fulfilled. Eagerness toward violence. -- For what it's worth, I hate guns. I absolutely hate guns more than just about anything and I try to reserve the word hate for very serious situations. I've been the victim of two armed robberies, and more of the people I know that have guns have acted irresponsibly with them at some point than those who haven't. No, not everyone acts irresponsibly with guns. But a lot do. I hate guns. Lets just leave it at that - I don't think it's my place to tell people they should or shouldn't have one.  

How they're pro-life, but are so eager to support the death penalty. And, no, I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, thank you. Maybe, and then only maybe, in extreme cases do I think the death penalty is acceptable. I don't know how we got to the point now that everybody just wants somebody to die for something, this seems so bizarre to me. It makes me more than a little physically ill if I think about it for too long. What if you have the wrong guy? 

How we need to take care of the poor, or those unable to do things for themselves, but in the same breath cursing welfare frauds and complaining about food stamps. I guess I understand - you work and it makes you mad if someone able bodied doesn't work for a living. Annoying. But even still, if someone's hungry, you feed them. You shouldn't decide that you get to be the person that determines whether or not someone deserves to eat. 

Clothe the naked. Well, that's fine, as long as you like the clothes right? Shut up. Be kind. The clothes don't make the Christian, Mr. "Fruit Inspector." 

How churches need to do more outreach, win more souls for Christ, but strongly guard and make unwelcome those who enter seeking answers. That is, unless they look, talk, or think a certain way. If it's at all challenging, or there are questions you can't answer, they must be pushed out. They're troublemakers. They're not right for your, "Church family." 

How they need to meet people where they're at, but then constantly, consistently making issues society as a whole is facing seem like it's a case of being at war against Christ. Not everybody is simply against the church because they hate the idea (as we see it, fact) of Christ. Many are turned away as a direct result of things I've already talked about and will talk about. I can't be the only one to have ever brought this stuff up, in fact I'm sure I'm not, so why do I still see this stuff happening all the time? 

About how no one knows but God when the end will be, but in the same breath talking about how soon the rapture will happen any second, and that certain conditions are being met that will make it so. Why are you so eager? I want to be in heaven, too, but don't you want for your kids and grandkids to live full, happy lives? To have the opportunity of this life, the chance to live it right before we do the eternal thing on the other side? This is such a complicated topic, but I don't know if wishing for the physical destruction of everything except for a small group of people that see things the same way you do ideologically, morally, and ethically is right. "They had their chance," is what I hear people saying, already. Like everything is done and you just have nothing else to do because you've been the endless profusive source of the Good News. You're not done yet. The church isn't done yet. Clean it up. 

A lot of these things are continually said in the same breath by so many of the churches I've been a part of, and they're questions I've prayed on extensively and read the word on specifically, often without a clear answer, so I have to draw conclusions based on how I feel led by Christ. This is what I've always been instructed to do, consistently, by every church experience I've had - the positive ones, and the negative ones...Overall, they have agreed on this. 

But then, I'm somehow always wrong. 

The gulf in words and actions that takes place within the Christian church is very flippantly called a source of friction. Let's call it what it is: An insidious form of hypocrisy that most are willing to put themselves above while talking down other Christians and to a greater extent other human beings - I'm not willing to do that. I'm not above it. I am it. I put a lot of effort toward expressing outwardly in my actions what I think is right, but I'm absolutely sure and conscious of it every time I fail to do what is right. 

I wish the two had been reconciled long before now much more effectively, sometime during my late teens or in my 20's, but instead they started to really come together in my early 30's and now in my late 30's I feel a little bit like I might be getting it somewhat approximating correctness. Even thinking this way, I feel, may be giving myself too much of a pat on the back or taking credit in part for absolutely anything good that happens, when nothing good that happens has anything to do with me at all in this gigantic world we all perceive. 

It's half of the reason I don't feel qualified, at all, to provide guidance as some sort of pastor or call my creative Christian projects a ministry. With such glaring imperfection currently, and even worse previously, how could I hope to tell anyone the right way to live or see things? I can only accept them and serve them in a way that is appropriate for who I am now, and I try very hard to do this.

And be frustrated with the things that I just don't understand. I accept them, and acknowledge complete powerlessness to fix them, and do not trust my own heart or thoughts to guide things to a better place.  

Please, human beings within the church, stop damning other human beings to hell, it is not our job and it is impossible to ignore the trauma this causes and has caused in young people. 

And Donald Trump is NOT the second coming of Christ!!!

New Album - Title TBD - Release Date TBD

 

The New Black Metal Album...

This art is by Doomesia, who I will likely commission to do more artwork in the future because he's the only one that has completely and totally nailed the exact vision I've had for this album cover. 

I've asked a few friends what they get out of it, and they've all said similar things, I believe I've gotten across what I wanted to communicate, but if you're curious, here's a better explanation of some of it. I know how pretentious this is, but that's who I am. It's deep to me, but probably isn't as deep as I think it is.

Thank you, to my friends who have answered when I've bothered them for opinions...

1. The icon in the middle is from a vision I had. I saw the face of Christ. I will not be convinced otherwise, and this icon was communicated to me during that vision. It was not exactly the same, but Ayyarametallogo got the closest approximation and it looks fantastic. I will explain the symbology of it in another post as I understand it. It is not pagan, as some have asked already.
2. The cross is intact. To me, this calls attention the unbeatable strength of truth in Christ. It does not fade, it does not crumble. It is the only thing intact and undamaged in the entire image. 
3. The cross is also a symbol of the steadfast nature of God. Unchanging, though not entirely inflexible, especially with his followers. 
4. The cross, more so, is a beacon that calls us. Even if you grow away from it at times, you will come back if your faith has at any point truly been placed there. It is impossible to ignore, though it does not follow you, it remains there as a permanent fixture.
5. The man is weary. He walks with a cane. He's traveled for a very long time to find this church, maybe he attended it before, maybe he's only been there once. The exhaustion is palpable. 
6. The man is sick. He is vomiting. He has searched out this church to cure his sickness. He is welcome to the church despite his sickness, whatever evil or ugliness might exist within him. He is seeking the cure. 
7. He is damaged, but still inside the church. This is where he wants to be, despite his crippling disability or imperfection. This is where he belongs. 
8. The pews are empty. Go to almost any church at this time, most will be at least half empty.
9. The innards are decaying inside of the church due to lack of upkeep. 
10. The church itself is decaying, due to lack of upkeep.
11. The church is failing. The wider church. The state of the modern Christian community is severely damaged, and very few people are seeking it out, so it cannot be properly rebuilt or maintained.
12. The current church society is crumbling, outdated tactics and institutions are failing as a result of oppressive requirements and xenophobic exclusivity policies and politics. What good is a tithe if you're not going to put it where it should go? 
13. Those who seek out the decaying, problematic church are truly sick, and determined to find the answer and cure to their illness. They may not find it at the institution that is the church as it stands now, but they will still seek it out, but it is still the proper place to go. This is hopeful. 
14. When there is nothing else intact, they must look to the cross. There is nowhere else for them to go. The church itself is secondary. Church leadership is important, but it is not a requirement to salvation.
15. The growing plants imply that the nature of the church, despite its issues, is to be restored, though it may not be in the same form that it was. The growth of nature in this manner is also very slow.
16. This church is small, to say that most churches, from the tiny to the large, are subject to failure. 
17. The man is also old. Old and sick, his legalistic clinging to the established tradition of 19th and 20th church administration is no longer a valid approach. There are no people present, let alone young people. The church has failed to attract adherents. His pride may have caused this decay.
18. The bleak, punishing nature of the atmosphere is one that reflects the modern nature of the Christian community. How will it attract younger people, encourage fellowship, and stay alive if it does not create an atmosphere of loving kindness? This results in only the most desperate and world weary to seek it out, but not those who see things as, "Mostly okay," or have found hope where none actually exists.
19. Those who believe things are, "Mostly okay," will not bother with a crumbling, old, moldy church community that does not have their actual salvation or interests at heart. This will cause them to seek out other, more worldly solutions. This will (Read: has) caused further decay.
20. There are no obvious denominational marks here. Though I identify with a specific denomination, there is no discernable structure to this image overall. No direction. 

These are things how I see them. This is how I see the church. This is how I feel about it. This is what I feel I'm required to communicate in order to properly serve God. It may not be how you feel, it may not be how you see things, but I am absolutely, 100% positive that I'm not the only one who has these thoughts. 

We must acknowledge and look at the near total ruin we've caused to Christianity as an institution before we can ever hope to improve the state of it and attract more people to hear, appreciate, and accept the good news. We will not ever improve things if our only hope for improvement is by counting on the end of the world or trying to force the circumstances of Biblical prophecy, and if you think for even a moment that your feeling of superiority or exclusionary practices will at all convince anyone of Christ's status as Savior of mankind, you're not behaving as a servant of the Lord, you are communicating prideful egoistic false doctrine and you will be faced with that, sooner or later. To serve God you must serve others. To serve others, you must admit you are not between them and God, to serve others, you must not gatekeep, you must not judge, you must not continue to fiercely grip your political identity as a Biblically communicated set of requirements for salvation. 

We are damaging our own community, ourselves, and we are serving evil by ignoring the current state of the church and not working diligently to fix it in a way that is Biblical, instead using worldly politics and new age techniques that everyone pretends not to understand in a way that elevates evil and reduces true Holiness to sarcastically communicated platitudes designed to stroke the ego with no meaningful spiritual context or intent to uplift the downtrodden. 

We have caused the current state of the church and allowed evil to manipulate our hearts and minds through a shallow and uninformed look at our own Adamic nature. 

This album is angry. 

Cavern Witch - Through The Twisted Trees Review

 Man, I love Dungeon Synth as a genre. I've been really listening to a lot of it lately and trawling/exploring Bandcamp for new stuff for a few months. The first that really jumped out at me was Skeleton MAGE* (derp.) and I heard it probably 10 minutes after he dropped it on Bandcamp just out of pure coincidence. Obviously, others were blown away as well. 

I decided to start posting reviews here on my blog, though they are short reviews, I think these groups or individual artists deserve to be heard. We're all just looking for some exposure, after all. It's with that in mind that I'm going to share Cavern Witch's first EP. 

No, they did not ask me to do this. No, they don't know I'm doing this. Yes, I will let them know I did this afterward. If they ask me to remove it, I will. 

As short as this is, here's what I posted on Bandcamp:

A listen that will leave you with a burning curiosity, in deep mysterious entrancement until the music stops and you're pulled back to reality. A strong debut start to finish that, for me, never became tedious or repetitive. A fascinating labor of love from obvious fans of the genre. May this simply be an introduction to a long and fruitful discography.

Listen to this EP, I don't really want to give a star rating or whatever out of whatever axes or thumbs up or whatever, I simply like this release. 

Reminiscing, Tunes, Shows, Punk Rock, Electronics...

Maybe reminiscing isn't the right word, maybe it is. Maybe my view of my youth is one half rose tinted, and the other half completely painted black with misery with no in between. I've always existed in the extremes of despair and frustration and rapturous joy, often simultaneously. I figure both things can be true. Praise God for the beautiful gift of our perception and emotions. 

I can't sleep tonight. 

I went back and dug out/found/bought a bunch of old records from my youth, from when I was hanging around with other equally young punks in the scene from 2000 - 2006. I have fond memories, now that I'm older, of silly scene drama and throwing chicken nuggets at other punks in the early 2000s. It all feels like it was yesterday, but on a completely different planet, far away from where we all live now. It didn't matter to us if you were a Christian, or an Atheist, or a Republican, or a Democrat, or Queer, or Trans, or Straight... There were always a few slight divisions that some people took too far, but when it came down to the core of it, we all had a basic respect for each other as human beings, and really wanted what was best for each other. Certainly, the disagreements never brought us to the place of wanting to hurt each other or completely stop someone else from saying how they felt. 

It taught me how to love without pretense, to meet people where they were even if I thought they were wrong, were performing the wrong actions, or doing the wrong thing. After all, I was doing plenty of things wrong myself. I still do plenty of things wrong, myself, in mind or outwardly. Are you going to pretend you never drive over the speed limit? 

"That's your opinion, and it's okay..." and other positive reinforcement, not for things that we saw as being wrong, but for being a young person trying to figure it out. We could say how we felt about certain issues, maybe even argue with them, and things could get heated. But, still, we liked each other, going to shows and seeing each other was fun, listening to records was a blast. I'm almost 40 now, creeping closer and closer toward the status of middle age, and starting my adult life later than most with getting married, having children, etc. 

But lets be honest, you're still a kid trying to figure it out, too. We should all extend this patience to others.

It's caused an existential analysis, an inventory of where I'm at, what I have, where I want to be, and what I really want out of life. I thank God in deep prayer every day for how fortunate I've been to get where I'm at. Surely, I am not a strong or smart enough person on my own to accidentally wander into the wealth I've wandered into. 

And I'm not talking money. I have more friends than I have time for, having even lost some from not having enough time for them and causing hurt feelings, as much as I wish this weren't the case, I dug my heels in and did what I felt I had to do. I hope they know that I'm not mad at them. I hope that anyone I may have hurt will know that I wouldn't have done it on purpose, or actions were performed through ignorance, things I wish I knew back then. Apologies are complicated, and often insufficient. 

I think to an extent, everyone carries these thoughts with them throughout their life, at least I imagine this to be the case and it helps me. Though we should give them to the Lord, and even if we do give them to the Lord, the specter of who we were even 5 minutes ago wanders behind curtains, a veil so thin that we put so much effort to get in front of and pretend we've moved away from.

Perhaps it was the 3-4 years of relative isolation that we're still healing from, learning how to listen to and love one another all over again, learning to socialize and be accountable to a society that was already viewed as damaged, but is now viewed as damaged, markedly changed, and possibly irrecoverable. 

Everybody cares about everybody else, but no one can agree on the right way to care for each other. If you don't care about others there is a severe problem with your soul.

Punk Rock was such a big part of my youth during my most formative years, and when I think about how little has happened in the past 5 years, compared to how much seemed to happen during the same period of time back then, I pause. Then I really look, peel the wound open and look at how the last 5 years have really been. Even more has happened. 

I didn't think I would ever be successful to someone else's standard, I didn't think I'd ever accomplish any of my life goals, I didn't think I would ever get married, and I didn't think I would ever own a home. All of this has happened in the last 5 years. 

Perspective changes everything. It also changes nothing. 

I'm so happy I found my way back to God, but my background keeps me from prideful arrogance in my faith because I still have many of the same problems I had when I was much younger. I struggle with many of the same problems that almost every other man struggles with. To a degree, they're even worse than they ever were... in certain areas. Scared of shadows of a different type. 

The state of relationships between people makes me weep. My frustration and unease at the fact that so many things just don't seem quite right with the way our society functions, and my complete inability, unwillingness, and misunderstanding of how to successfully function within it in a normal fashion creates a rift between my outer actions and inner needs. Yet, I am considered successful.

Isolation, subterranean anger and wrath bubble to the surface and lock me in, I have made the determination and resolve to make others happier, while expressing my personal, deepest pain in the music I create. It's why I can't call it a ministry. This isn't a vehicle to bring others to salvation, though God has used me for this or to guide others in some way, and I'm certainly unqualified to tell others whether they're wrong or right about how they live their life. 

But they're happy to tell me how I should be living mine. Respectfully, the Sermon On the Mount is my path. Prayer is my guide, not men.

I was made rebellious and iconoclastic by God, not by choice, and these are deeply integrated in my personality, informing my views on the current state of the Christian community. Many don't like this, and they're not afraid to tell me. Many will push back, or tell me I should keep silent. Some will uncover their own prejudice with their mouth and tell me not to be judgmental. Still others will arrogantly put me below them, intellectually and philosophically, in an effort to justify a lazy worldview. 

Are you so literal? Is it so literal? The letter or the spirit? 

I believe everyone must feel this general unease. The experience of complete existential confusion apart from our religious affiliation can't be unique, because I certainly don't set myself apart or cut off the limbs of societal responsibility. I certainly don't use faith as an excuse. If we are apart from others, we do not live!  

The goal is to serve God. To serve God, we must serve others. To effectively serve others, we must be willing to put ourselves to the side, and be honest about how messed up (I wanted to use a word other than messed here, but I'm trying to do better...) we really are. 

Go ahead, think you have it figured out. 

You'll find out.