...Thanks! No, really, it's flattering. I genuinely don't care if you share the album around and such, I appreciate you getting it out there. Someone is even sharing it on Soulseek.
You can also listen to it on Spotify, Amazon, YouTube, Deezer, a bunch of websites I've never even heard of, wherever you listen to music on the internet. Thanks for the support. I edited this post because I realized it might have come across as sarcastic. Not my intent.
Here is the artwork for the tape:
The second track on the album was originally called, "The Adamic Nature of Modern Man" - it's an ambient track that serves as a meditation on our nature as sinners and, "Man," refers to mankind, or humankind if you want to be politically correct about it.
This is something I ponder on with regularity, our tendency toward sin even within our thoughts. As Christians, we're trained to constantly pay attention to what we're thinking and I was taught that thinking a sin is as bad as committing it. As to whether or not this is accurate may be up to the individual, but I try to avoid thoughts that will lead me down a bad road. I fail at that often. Is any sin as bad as any other? Maybe the answer is yes and no, this being an example of both things being true. Both things happen. In John, sin is said to be lawlessness if you make it a practice. Maybe the point is that it builds a wall between us and God.
It's mentioned in Mark that the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Then, in John 19:11 Jesus directly says to Pilate, "Therefore he who delivered me over to you has the greater sin." These two verses indicate, to me, that a penny is a penny and a nickel is a nickel.
So here it is - our Adamic nature is our inborn sin habit that we fight against as Christians. All sin builds a wall between us and God, but some sins are punished differently or are more severe than others. The simple conclusion is to stop sinning.
But we all know that's impossible. Because we're not Jesus.
I removed Modern from the title, because that was really just a commentary on the nature of the electronic music. This album has a lot of influence and takes a lot of production techniques from Industrial Metal. That was partly intentional, and partly just how I produce music. The lyrics throughout the album are often repeated, and I've stated before that I was attempting to express things as clearly as possible as simply as possible. It's all there, but the repetition is meant to melt the vocals into the music and cause them to become their own instrumental element.
That's also the reason that they might seem a little buried in the mix. It was intentional, but whether or not I pulled that off is up to the individual listener, I suppose.
The Death Of The Old Man, as you can probably guess if you're reading this blog or listening to Rejoice In Our Suffering is related to Romans 6:6 - For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin
So much of what this project is comes from Romans. I never considered exactly how much of it is informed and inspired by that book until recently, but it's too many things that work for what I'm doing with it. The themes of suffering, change, salvation...Paul had a lot to say to the Romans. Maybe I'm reading things incorrectly, certainly possible, but it seems relevant as I look at the messages contained therein from many different angles.The New Covenant...
The song is the second single and the first track on the upcoming album.Specifically what it's about is aging with salvation. I remember asking to be saved when I was very young, probably too young to really understood what it meant. Remember when you had to memorize the Pledge of Allegiance in school? I went to a Christian school as well, so it was the Pledge of Allegiance and John 3:16. While I think it's important for these things to be taught and memorized by very young people, I think it's worth noting that the way we currently teach them is silly. Though I disagree with the assessment, I was considered a, "Gifted Child," and I remember the adults around me at the time (I was 4, maybe 5) being very pleased that I knew both of these things. Great job! Great job!
I had no idea what they meant.
I had no idea how important both were, and I'm not just talking about the immense weight of responsibility that came attached to them. I mean I didn't understand them. Any explanation I could have given of both things would be an incomplete, primitive, and misunderstood repetition of what I'd heard adults tell me. Point is, there are ways to explain these concepts that the very young can understand.
Now, take that misunderstanding into the very near future. You don't have a very long time between that age and your tumultuous teenage years, stretched onward into the very confusing early 20's. We tend to give young adults too much credit for having it together. I'm pretty sure the whole point of my 20's was just looking better than I do in my 30's and being angry. From my late teenage years to my late 20's was probably the least-Christian I've ever been. Slightly over a decade of being, "Saved," but still not having anyone explain to me what it meant, but if I admitted this confusion or doubt, I'd get head shaking and a swift warning/admonishment: Figure it out or go to Hell.
Thanks for that. It really helped. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. This is part of the disease that pervades the modern Christian church and community as it stands today. I'm 100% positive that you'll see me rail on this over and over again the more I talk about my experiences and how I see things now compared to how I saw them in the past - which are largely the same. The church is sick. There is a terrible calamitous sickness that rots the very meaning of our Scriptures and obliterates the amount of good the church could perform in favor of platitudes screamed in our face by those whose simplistic understanding have driven away almost everyone from God. I would ask again, and again, and again - Who ever came to Christ through constant criticism and admonishment? To be blunt, I understand why people would leave the Church and turn their backs on Christ. Ever notice their reasoning is never, ever because of Christ? Leaders might want to consider whether or not they ever developed the ability to listen, or if they just kept their mouth shuts until they got old enough to parrot the same things at a younger generation. And now it's their turn. Lets get loud about it. I'm not saying everybody is like this, I love my church leaders now.
They do listen, they contemplate, I have a lot in common with them. I don't agree with them on everything, but for the most part I believe in what they're doing and they're unflinchingly sincere. That's hard to do sometimes. It's hard to do a lot of the time...
This may seem completely beside the point of what I was starting to talk about, but it's not. Throughout my late teens, 20's, I continued studying the Bible. I think it was about 2016 that something really clicked in for me and I realized I'd been studying it wrong. I'd been using the techniques and training I had obtained in that (corrupt) Christian school, and the techniques and training shared with me by teachers in the churches I had attended that, though sincere, probably shouldn't have been the ones teaching me. What they left was a severe guilt and an assumption that I'm stupid and wrong in almost every facet of my journey with God. But as long as I say what they want to hear, I'll go to heaven and everything will be fine. As long as I scream at people that they need to repent or else, I'll be favored and get a better seat in heaven. That's how it works, right? It's abuse. Whether intentional or not, it's abuse. Not training, not teaching. Eliciting an automated obedient response is not teaching or training, it's just an insidious, bizarre form of intellectual and spiritual slavery that isn't what God intended for us through Jesus Christ.
I wonder what it will be like when their unchecked, institutionally supported psychological abuse is looked at in heaven. I'm not pretending I'm without heinous sin myself, which is what I'm getting at. Sin is sin, but maybe I would've recognized these things in myself much easier? Or maybe I would have been a little less defiant if I understood any other way to be.
The things I could've avoided in my late teens and early 20's - it's not the fault of the people who taught me, it's definitely on my shoulders. I wish I had paid closer attention to my own heart during those study sessions and worried more about pleasing God than pleasing them or serving a community. When they no longer mattered, it still took a long time to come around to what I think is the right way. The thing is -- if you learn the message for yourself and your understanding of what it is to serve Christ, you'll find yourself serving the community anyway. When you you uphold the things that Christ asks us to uphold as you understand them, and really analyze what you're doing, you'll end up serving the community anyway. What's good in this instance is usually good for more than just you. To put it another way - how many problems are you creating for other people with how you serve and worship?
Then I analyzed my own behavior - hoo boy. Though I had accepted Christ, in the way I understood it previously, there were all kinds of new behaviors and old habits that still existed, obvious. The old man still needed to die. It had been 20 years and I was still holding onto him. That's right, from childhood. Ugh.
I believe that some Christians will read this and feel very self-satisfied about how well they've done at eliminating the old man from their lives. I wonder if these same people ever under-explain the meaning of salvation to their children. I wonder how many of their children repeat what they've heard them say, because they know they'll get a pat on a back from a parent who's otherwise far too busy to pay attention to them. Here's your tablet, go watch Veggie Tales.
Now ask - is the old man really dead? Are you completely new? Probably not. I have a hard time believing that anyone has this instant change, because it's certainly been a process for me that I'm always striving to overcome. It's difficult. If it's easy for someone to do this, I have a feeling they haven't really done it.
I would love to quit smoking. I've quit like 30 times now. That portion of the old man just won't go away. At some level, it's definitely me holding onto it even though I desperately try to let it die off and go away. It snowballs from there, or roots down, depending no how you want to view it. And that's just one thing out of dozens. I've let go of many things, but not before really putting them right in front of me and studying them for what they are, then I can let them go. Like smoking, sometimes it takes a long time.
It would be a great thing if the old man would finally die off, but I bet it'll be something I struggle with my entire life. It's torture, and it's something I have to deal with. Maybe it's a bit of punishment for me here on earth while I keep trying to sincerely improve myself.
I know I can't be the only one.
My material doesn't get a ton of listens or views, but it does get some, and it's very clear that people are watching and listening. This is evidenced by the fact that I actually get emails from people who check my stuff out, or the project gets picked up by blogs or posted about in places that I find out about later, etc...
The reaction has been phenomenal, and I can't take credit for any of it. It's almost a direct confirmation from God that what I'm doing with the project is the right thing. I've met more people, collaborated with more musicians, and spoken deeply about Christianity with more people in the past few months of really pushing this project than I have in my entire life, and I'm pushing 40 and have more or less regularly attended various churches for the better part of 4 decades.
Naturally, as people have contacted me, they've asked me about my personal religious affiliations and background. Though I'm totally open about being a Christian, I did think that there might also need to be some clarification about what Rejoice In Our Suffering is to me.
To be specific, I would describe myself as Pentecostal... I think a very controversial Pentecostal, and definitely a controversial Christian as conversations get deeper and more in depth with others who probe the subject, but Pentecostal Christian most closely aligns with my beliefs. I was raised in non-denominational and Baptist churches until I became old enough to make my own decisions and take myself places where I might want to go. This led me to study any and all religions that I could. I ended up back at Christianity, but the story is long and the list of books I've read, services I've attended, religious leaders I've discussed things with, everything is much longer. When it comes down to it the following are what I can say for certain aligns with my belief system:
Those are the bare basics. I'm not saying that everyone has to believe these exact things, I'm saying that from what I've experienced in life and studied the most, these things form the central core of my reasoning for belief.
I notice a lot of bands calling what they do a Ministry, and that's fine. I want to be clear that this is, absolutely, a Christian project. It does exist to glorify God, and it exists as a vehicle to meditate and explore on readings from the Bible that I undertake. However, I decline to describe it as a Ministry. For one thing, I don't even publish the lyrics, but I can say that they're not very articulate and they're highly personal. In fact, in a lot of cases, I would describe them as primordial, blunt screaming. Primitive. Given that I'm loquacious to a fault, the lyrics written for the project are how I can just get it out. Fast, simple, repetitive, almost a meditation-inducing repetition. I'm very focused on what I'm expressing when I record. I'd like to think that's why I've received good feedback on the project so far.
Because of that thought, that I may somehow take credit for the messages being conveyed, it would be dishonest to say that it's a completely selfless expression with the intent of expanding God's Holy Kingdom. That would be an extremely nice blessing, a great side effect of what I'm doing, but it's really a personal expression. It's catharsis, dealing with my own depression and anxiety and getting it out to let hope and God in. Making room in my heart by getting the negative out, almost a recorded prayer for God to remove personal hardships and blocks to my growth toward Spiritual maturity. I hope it helps someone, but it would only be an offshoot of helping me deal with life and negative emotions.
It would be a great feeling if something I'm doing is directing people to worship God, and I would certainly talk to anyone about this sort of thing if they approached me about it, with the up-front clarification that I am by no means the most qualified person they could speak to on the subject. There are certainly things I could reference and would do my absolute best to answer any question posed in a Biblically correct way, as proper exegesis and hermeneutics are of paramount importance to me, but I will always suggest that someone speak to a Pastor or someone that's been endorsed by a certifying body to answer their questions. An example of me attempting to answer someone Biblically, I recall, involved me quoting Galatians. Apparently, I had the meaning of a passage wrong and it was explained how I had it wrong later. I am always happy to accept correction and redirection, because we're all constantly growing... The way I was corrected, however, was not pleasant. It wasn't compassionate or empathetic, and when I was providing the information to the other person (albeit incorrectly) compassion and empathy were at the forefront of my intent. The way I was corrected was by someone more qualified accusing me of twisting the meaning of a Biblical passage on purpose. I wouldn't do that. This person had no reason to think I would, but they made it a point to get very loud and very unpleasant about it anyway. Who does that help? It could only feed the ego of the corrector and serve to embarrass and humiliate. Humility is important to have an an individual, humiliating others is cruel and a detriment to spiritual growth.
Before I get too off topic here, I'm saying that the way I was corrected could very easily push a very new Christian completely off the path toward Christ. Not only did it serve as a warning to me to make sure I'm practicing proper exegesis and hermeneutics, it should (but didn't) serve as a warning to those in a position to correct that there is a completely incorrect way of addressing issues.
If there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, it's that I can be wrong. Really wrong. Entirely wrong. And given how long it took me to get my life in order as an adult, I am hesitant to feed advice to young people that's universal - I can only provide a patient ear to listen and empathy from my own experience, as well as extend compassion because I believe it's what we're supposed to do as Christians.
I am tortured by my own sins on a daily basis. I do everything I can to minimize and live without sin, but I consistently and spectacularly fail all the time.
That's why Rejoice In Our Suffering is a personal expression of pain. I'm trying to help myself, which I have to do before I can help anyone else with anything. So, while I'm happy to listen to anyone that may need help, and I can recommend Biblical passages and writers who I like that have helped me through things, I am a nobody. Completely unimportant. That is why Rejoice In Our Suffering is not a Ministry.
But if it helps someone, anyone, at any time...then I've done more than I ever hoped to do with it, and I've done what I'm supposed to do as a Christian and a human being.
