Why does everything seem so distant lately? I'm making very meaningful progress on the next black metal album, as weird and experimental as it is, but feeling quite aloof in relation to those around me. My wife and parents, as well as her parents, have said that I've been quiet for several weeks now.
I've been rather deep in thought. Though I have always found it rather difficult to understand others on a level that's not based on pure empathy, I have a hard time even connecting with that recently.
These connections with people, which I've talked about a lot, are extremely important to me because I love others very deeply. I worry a lot about them. Lately, this hasn't been as apparent or as accessible to me as it normally is. It's a bizarre feeling.
My study has also suffered, I'm feeling very disconnected from everything, as if when I'm reading I'm trapped behind a pane of mostly clear substance. For some reason, that pane makes it hard to absorb and cement things in my mind for later recall. Thus, I re-read and agonize.
Normally, I read something once and remember it forever, or I write a riff (however bad it is) and remember it forever with near-instantaneous recall. But that seems to have up and left me over the past few months.
Even prayer, which is probably the thing I do most, has been difficult.
I hope this passes. I fear it may lead to some very monotonous droning or writer's block.
In all things, still, Praise God!
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